Thanks to a good friend, I had a huge epiphany about some causes of stress in our “new world of work”. His tweet on New Year’s Eve read “hey today is a holiday, you shouldn’t be working”. But, I didn’t think I was working. I was enjoying myself doing work related things.
There are many of us that actually believe that our work and outside of work lives should be separate and “never the twain shall meet”. It is as if we should have a door that shuts out one world when we go into another.
Could it be that strain to keep one world out of another that causes us such stress? Is it even realistic to believe that we could be that compartmentalized? No, it’s not. Instead, try integrating all the areas of your life. Although, there is no magic solution, these four tactics can really help:
DON’T EXPECT PERFECTION –
You can have it all. It just won’t all be perfect. – Rosabeth Moss Kanter
Perfect balance or separation of various aspects of life is not possible. There will be times that you will have to work late or over the weekend. There will be times you have to leave early to pick up a sick child or attend a function with your spouse. Things will bleed into each other. But, that should be expected. Do you stop being married or a parent when you arrive at work? No, of course not. Don’t try to shut things out completely. Don’t try to be the perfect anything. It is not only pointless, it is detrimental to your health.
RELISH EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE
I always wanted to love what I did as much as my father did. He would talk about work and family all the time. There was no separation, just joy. He loved what he did all the time.
It’s okay to be your job and talk about it. It’s okay to love being a dad and talk about it. It would be weird if you didn’t. People want to be around those that give them energy. People like leaders that seem to get energy by doing work.
REALLY ENJOY YOURSELF
It is okay to get lost in what you are doing. Throw yourself into your career or your hobby or what’s going on at home.
Try to learn about how to be more effective at work. Disagree with the latest trends in comic books. Immerse yourself in discussions regarding work/career issues on LinkedIn. If you love what you do, it won’t matter when you are working or not working. It also makes you more fun to be around. Seriously, people that complain about their lives all the time are a pain in tukas.
BE PRESENT WHEN YOU ARE DOING ANYTHING
Here is the key to all of it though.
“Be here now” – Ram Dass
That is, be fully present when you are doing what you are doing.
• If you are at work in a meeting, fully participate. Join in the discussion. Take notes and take on action items.
• When you are with your spouse, look at them while they are talking. Actively listen to what they are saying. Think about the conversation you are having WITH THEM
• When you are answering your email, answer it. Read the whole email. Respond fully, answer each question
This is the hardest one for me, but the most vital. You can work 70 hours and still have a meaningful relationship with your family if you PAY FULL ATTENTION TO THEM WHEN YOU ARE WITH THEM.
INTEGRATING ALL THE AREAS OF YOUR LIFE:
Simple? Yes.
Easy? NO
But, working towards integrating your work and life outside of work will make everything more enjoyable. Don’t kid yourself there is no balance. But, you can have a full, rewarding, enriching life if you try to practice these principles. Just remember the sagely words of Pink Floyd
all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be
How do you integrate the various aspects of your life?
