There are two words that should be used sparingly, if at all, as a leader always and never.
WHAT’S THE PROBLEM WITH USING ALWAYS AND NEVER?
Always and never are words that are part of the “all or nothing thinking” in cognitive distortion.
Cognitive distortions — where your mind puts a ‘spin’ on the events you see, and attaches a not-so-objective interpretation to what you experience.
In all or nothing thinking, there is no grey area. There is no room for improvement or understanding. Therefore, using words like these lead to stifling growth and hindering innovation.
Always and never are:
• Not really quantifiable words and generally are a a matter of opinion.
• Charged with innuendo and accusation
Always and never can
• Make someone defensive
• Encourage someone to ignore a compliment
• Indicate laziness of thought
As leaders , using words like these indicate a lack of interest improving. If we want to create a high performance team that is accountable and driven, it’s time to retire words like always and never.
WHAT TO USE INSTEAD?
Generally, always and never are used when giving feedback of some kind. Using words like these indicates that there has been time between the reason for feedback and the feedback itself. Often, there multiple occurrences of the issue before the feedback that includes always/never.
Instead of always or never, use a structure to ensure that feedback can help people develop, grow, improve and become more effective
1. Let them know the reason for the feedback – Context is key. Giving adults the reason you want to speak with them gives a frame of reference. They don’t have to wonder “what is this all about”. Depending on the type of feedback – praise or constructive – you may want to ask a question like –
“How do you think XYZ went?”
2. Let them know the specific issue is:
Praise –
Counsel –
3. Let them know the impact of their actions
Praise –
Counsel –
4. Point out something about them that you see
Praise –
Counsel –
5. Use the conversation to develop and promote feedback
Praise – Congratulate them and ask them –> Why they took the actions they did
Counsel- Let them know you are dedicated to their success and ask –>What actions they will take to create solutions?
During the course of these conversations, ’always’ and ‘never’ should not be used. There is really no place for them.
Providing feedback is one of the most important parts of being a leader. It drives development and growth.
What other commonly used words get in the way of leadership development?
Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.
Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.
