Cube 2.14 Blog

People, on average, work for between 3 to 5 really bad bosses or managers (not a scientific fact, just based on my nonscientific study of asking people I know). Each one has their own unique qualities that make them awful. The important thing to learn from them is how not to treat people and how not to lead.
 
I learned some very important lessons from my very first bad manager. Although there were probably hundreds, there were three that have stuck with me until today.
 
TAKING CREDIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S WORK IS BOTH UNETHICAL AND JUST PLAIN MEAN.
 
As a recent college grad, I had ideas about everything, wanted to do a great job, and prove my worth.  On my first project, a colleague and I revamped the process getting new consultants on-boarded from two weeks to 2 days.
 
• Saved the company thousands of dollars per new hire
• Clients got consultants that were able to impact projects much faster.

It made such an impact that a few key clients wanted to hear about how our organization made this happen.
 
My boss asked us to put together a presentation detailing our solution and review it with her. We did.
 
She asked us to write out Speaker’s notes “to help us when we get nervous during he presentation. We did.
 
The following week she delivered our presentation to the client in a meeting she had set up. We weren’t invited. During the meeting she did not mention that her employees came up with the ideas. In fact, she said she did all of it.
 
She was promptly given accolades and the opportunity to work on a big new client effort. The new client wanted her to implement a process to speed up on boarding. Since she hasn’t done the previous work herself, it didn’t go well. She was shocked when my colleague and I refused to help her.
 
Moral – Don’t take credit for work that isn’t your own. Someday someone will ask you do something similar. You will fail and no one will want to help you figure it out. 
 
ASKING SOMEONE FOR THEIR OPINION AND THEN TELLING THEM THAT IT’S WRONG DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
 
At our team meetings, our boss would regularly ask our opinions about her ideas or approaches to solve problems.  If we had opinions that didn’t agree with hers, she would tell us that our opinions were wrong. Not that she disagreed, but that we were wrong. She would then spend the rest of the meeting commenting on why our opinion was not correct.  After a few meetings, we stopped giving our opinion all together.
 
Moral – if you are asking for input, you can’t disagree with everything that is different than what you think is right. That’s not leadership that just proves you are insecure. 
 
LEADERSHIP IS ABOUT BUILDING PEOPLE UP NOT BREAKING THEM DOWN.
Linda was notorious for dressing people down in public. She wasn’t a yeller, but would talk about mistakes you made to everyone in the office…while you were sitting there.
 
When I confronted her about it, she said she was trying to motivate us. “If you stop making mistakes, I will stop making fun of you.”
 
What? That works for grade school friends. But, doing that will make adults refuse to try anything that might lead to ridicule. It will END innovation.
 
Our team turned over 100% in 8 months.  Linda resigned.
 
Moral – Leading is about treating people BETTER than they expect.
 
I learned valuable lessons about how NOT to treat people. Linda made me a better leader and really appreciate the folks that I had the privilege to lead.
 
Working for her helped me see:

 
Sadly, she was not the worst manager I ever had.  But that is a story for another day….
 
What’s a bad boss lesson that has helped you be a better leader?

Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.

Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.

(Powerful leadership lessons are learned from everywhere.  In a sporadic series of blogs, I am going to explore the people that taught me those lessons.  Some will be expected, others may not. Thanks for reading!)
 
My mother was the daughter of a tobacco farmer from rural North Carolina.  She was the 10th out of 12 children.  It was unlikely, based on her childhood, that she would have a career of her own, let alone leave North Carolina.  But, my mother isn’t like most people.  She is strong willed and determined.  Some of her friends call her a force of nature.  My father was a larger than life figure, but my mother was never engulfed in his shadow.  Instead she was able to make him better and have even more impact.  What I didn’t know was how powerful she is. In the 20 years after my father’s death, I have had the privilege to see what a difference she makes with others every day.  Although there are many, there are  three big lessons about being a leader I learned from her.
 
LESSON -LEADERS AREN’T VICTIMS OF THEIR BIRTH PLACES, THEY ARE THE CREATORS OF THEIR FUTURES.

My mother should have been married and with child before she was 18.  That is, if she followed in the footsteps of her siblings.  She decided that was not to be her. She was going to make her own way.  My mother put herself through nursing school, refusing to be just like everyone else.  She read everything she could get her hands on.
 
After leaving North Carolina, she only went back on her own terms.  Since she left she’s:

• Had dinner with the President of the US
• Met Ravi Shankar
• Hosted dinners for hundreds of dignitaries
• Traveled all over the world
• And so much more
 

She didn’t and I never do.  
 
 
LESSON – LEADERS DON’T LET PEOPLE PUSH THEM AROUND 

My mother led a rebellion.  She and her neighbors led a revolt to free themselves from an oppressive co-op board.  She was threatened, ridiculed and openly harassed. Not only did that not intimidate her, it mad ever will stronger. She rallied her group and stood up to board. And she won. In the end, her neighbors saw her as their champion and the board, albeit reluctantly, saw her as someone not to be trifled with.
 

 
LESSON- LEADERS STICK UP FOR PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY CAN’T STICK UP FOR THEMSELVES

My mother’s profession was nursing. She was the champion of the downtrodden and stood up for people when ever she got a chance. At 4 feet 11.5 inches tall, she cast a long shadow.  I remember her stopping people fighting, standing between a man and woman he was trying to intimidate and sticking up for people getting treated poorly in restaurants/grocery stores.
 
When I was a kid, there was a boy who lived in our neighborhood that everyone picked on.  (No it wasn’t me, that happened in High School). One day my Mom saw  some of the boys at the bus stop were roughing him up.  She told me, you need to stand up for him.  I didn’t understand why, but the next day I did.  It wasn’t easy but for some reason I felt so much better after I did.  My friends didn’t make fun of me when I took a stand. Instead they followed suit and the boy that was picked on became on of the group.
 

 
I am a better person and leader because of the lessons my mother taught me.  Lucky for the folks I’ve worked with, I’ve had great teachers to help guide me.
 
Who gave you your lessons in leadership?

Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.

Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.

(Powerful leadership lessons are learned from everywhere.  In a sporadic series of blogs, I am going to explore the people that taught me those lessons.  Some will be expected, others may not. Thanks for reading!)
My father was a larger than life figure. He was monumentally successful, at times overbearing, always respectful and extremely loyal. It was an odd mix of being gregarious and contemplative.  Regretfully, he died just as I was becoming an adult.
 
My father came to America with $22 in his pocket. He was determined to build a new life and fulfill his American dream.  By the time he died he had done all he had set out to do and more.
 
Just a few of his accomplishments:

• Chairman of the Civil Engineer Department at IIT
• On the President’s Earthquake Council (advising the President of the US about earthquake issues)
• Established one of the first Asian Indian group in American.  Was instrumental in getting Asian as a designation on the US Census.
 
The thing I remember about my father was how resolute he was.  Often not for himself or his desires, but those of others.  He was not fearless but was on behalf of others.  He spoke with corporate executives, Senators, Presidents, college students and janitors with the same courtesy and respect.  His friends were loyal and, I was told, even if you didn’t like him you respected him.
 
In the last six weeks of his life, we talked a lot about his learning and legacy.  I was determined to soak it all in.  Many of those lessons are unconsciously a part of who I am as a person.  There are three that helped to shape what I believe and practice as a leader.
 
DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL

 
For my father, reputation was everything.  He felt like he had an obligation to fulfill on promises he made, regardless of the consequences.
 
QUICK STORY
There was a time when he promised a family friend he would loan him money to start a business.  We were not rich and the money was tight. But, my father found a way to get the money together he promised.  Even after he found out that the business idea was no good, he still loaned the money to his friend.  Some might say it was stupid.  Heck, even my Dad thought it wasn’t the best idea.  But he told them he would give them the money, so he did.
 
 
In the end, his friend’s idea was a bust. But, something interesting happened.  My father was able to earn the money he loaned quickly with some fortuitous work. And, his friend never forgot that promise.  In fact, many of my Dad’s friends never forgot that.  He was repaid with good will for a lifetime.
 
Leaders do what they say they will.  Even if it’s hard or makes them uncomfortable
 
BE RUTHLESSLY COMPASSIONATE
My father always gave his honest opinion, even if you didn’t want it.  He used to tell me,

 
There were many times I didn’t.  But, I always knew I could count on him for the truth.  The funny thing about him was that he told you the truth in a way you could hear it and so it would sink in.
 
He was ruthless with the truth.  He would tell you something didn’t look good on you or that the food wasn’t good or that idea you had was horrible. If you asked, he would tell you.  But, he was always compassionate.  He told the truth in a way that people would accept it and act on it.
 
QUICK STORY
There was a student of my father that was brilliant but brittle.  My father used to say he was one of the smartest students he ever had.  This student asked my father about some work he was doing on his thesis.  My father told him the truth.  He found flaws that the student hadn’t thought of and made it clear how disappointed he was in the student’s thinking.  But, as soon as he got done giving his answer, my father smiled and said
 
 
Leaders tell the truth, but do it so that people can hear it AND take action on it.  
 
BE BOLD
No one would ever accuse my father of being shy.  Regardless of who you were, if he wanted to talk with you he would.  He was fearless, or so I thought.  During those last six weeks he told me a secret about his boldness with people –
 
 
Whenever my father stood up to a politician or corporate board, it was never about him.  He was doing it to support someone else that couldn’t.  At least that is what he believed.  It gave him strength and purpose.  It gave him energy and a seemingly “bullet proofness” that let him do things most people would not.
 
QUICK STORY
After the terrible explosion at the Union Carbide plant in Bhopal, India, my father met with the Union Carbide leadership.  He worked with them to provide some restitution for the victims and their families.  He never vilified the company, but also did not let them shirk their responsibility.  In the end, both Union Carbide and the victim’s families thanked him. When I asked him about it, he told me, “It was never about me.  That is what made me bold and gave me the resolve to carry it through”
 
Leaders are bold.  They take action and face adversities.  But, their boldness is not for them.  It is always to behalf of others.  Doing for others gives you strength and conviction!
 
I am a stronger person and more compassionate leader because of the lessons my father taught me.  I am thankful for each day that I had the privilege of having him in my life.
 
Where did your lessons in leadership come from?

Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.

Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.

(Powerful leadership lessons are learned from everywhere.  In a sporadic series of blogs, I am going to explore the people that taught me those lessons.  Some will be expected, others may not. Thanks for reading!)
 
My step-dad, Leroy, has been in my life for almost as long as my biological father was. He and my father are a lot alike.  He grew up poor and had to work his way to success with will, determination and skill.  They took two different paths, but reached success nonetheless.
 
Leroy created, built and ran one of the most successful bridal registries in America, selling china, stemware, collectibles, etc.  Although, it is likely that he would have been monumentally successful in whatever profession he chose.
 
Outside of only a few people I’ve known, he was singularly focused on being the very best at what he did.  Not good, not better than others, but the very best.
 
Leroy has taught me so many lessons about striving to be the best and leadership.  Luckily for me, he continues to share them, but here are the top three so far

DON’T JUST TAKE IT
There is no one that I have seen overcome adversity with more fight than Leroy.  He is the true embodiment of “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, lemon crème pie, and grow a lemon tree. That’ll show life to give you lemons.” (or something like that).
 
Life is full of twists, changes, body blows and slip ups.  He once told me:
 

 
Every time something bad happened in Leroy’s life, he kept going.  It might have made him sad or mad.  He never stopped moving forward.  He kept routines that gave him comfort, pushed forward and grew stronger as an outcome! Pain is temporary if you learn why it happened and keep moving forward.
 
Lesson – Life is full of challenges.  Leaders meet them head on.  Some they will win, some they will lose. Both are valuable.  Both are fleeting. Keep growing and motivating those around you.
 
GIVE MORE THAN YOU PROMISED
 
I remember him telling that to a young salesperson.  But, that was his philosophy about everything.  Leroy built his business not with fancy advertising or marketing campaigns, but referrals.  He networked before networking was even a verb.
 
The reason people gave referrals to work with Leroy was because he always over-delivered.  He always knew what they wanted.  He always made them feel special.
 
But it wasn’t just at work.  He did that at his church, with his alma mater, charities, and anything that involved people.  He didn’t give to get.  He gave because he loves it.  People want to work with a giver.  His success is proof of that.
 
Lesson – Leaders give of themselves freely, willingly and with joy expecting nothing in return.  They know it will all work out in the end.
 
IT’S ALL BASED ON THE CUSTOMER
Leroy’s simple philosophy about leadership is the cornerstone of any free market economy.  It’s all about the customer.  I came up with a phrase about linking employees to customers called “Line of Sight” based on a conversation with him.
 
 
Why indeed.  In the end, no matter what fancy shmancy new management fad comes along, companies can’t be successful unless they are gaining and retaining customers.  Leroy saw that and built everything around them.

• Processes weren’t made efficient for the employees, but easy for the customer
• Policies were based on what was best for the customer
• Store hours built around customers

Sounds almost too easy, but each and every employee in Leroy’s store knew how they impacted the customer.  As research has shown, organizations that do a great job of this are more successful than those that don’t.
 
Everything revolves around gaining and retaining customers. That clarity starts with the leader.  They need to understand and then ensure that their team understands.  Simple, powerful and elegant.
 
Leroy is a good man, who has always treated me with respect. He’s taught me that leadership starts with a good moral compass and a focusing on the “true north” of business, customers.
 
Where have you learned your unexpected leadership lessons?

Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.

Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.

Pets, for many of us, are extensions of our families. They comfort us when we are sick, protect us and are happy to see us.  In many ways, they are a great representation of a servant leader.
 

 
Okay, it’s not exact, but not that far of a stretch, right?  I’ve been fortunate to have a lot of these furry friends in my life.  Both in my home and volunteering to help their lives be a little better.  The one that taught me the most was a coonhound mix we called Cadoo.  He was brilliant and surprisingly taught me a thing or two about how to be a better person and leader.

DON’T WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT TOMORROW

This is true for many dogs, but Cadoo had this ability to enjoy the moment he was in to the fullest.  He wasn’t concerned about the next day or really the minute after the one he was in.  Not to say that didn’t cause him trouble at times, but for the most part he was so interested in you that what ever happened next didn’t matter.  The full on attention he gave whom ever was with is something I take with me to this day.  I try with all my might to be “in the moment” and not worry about the next moment.  As a leader it helps you learn about the people on your team and get clarity about how to serve them better.

Leaders focus on the moment they are in.  When it is time to plan, they focus on planning.  When it is time to act, they focus on acting. When it is time to listen, the listen. Trying to do all things at one time means none get done well.
 
IT’S OKAY TO HAVE A SHORT MEMORY ABOUT THE SMALL STUFF
No matter what you did to Cadoo, he was always happy and didn’t hold any grudges. As long as the net result of the relationship was good, he was of the “forgive and forget” mentality.
 
He also didn’t let things going wrong bother him for long. I always marveled at his resilience.  It is a skill I am honing to this day.
 
Unless its something really bad, grudges are a lot of work to maintain. Don’t hold on to things. Remember people treat you like you expect them to.
 
What about the bad people that try to do you harm, you ask?  How do you avoid getting hurt by them?  Well, my trusty Cadoo followed what is not being uncovered in science – intuition
 

 
He knew fairly quickly who he could trust and who he couldn’t or shouldn’t.  Of course the gut is not always right, but getting it wrong hones your “intuition” even more.

Leaders act on the sum of the relationship not just the last interaction. 
 
BE EXCITED, BE REALLY EXCITED
Cadoo was excited about everything. The funny thing was that the more excited he was the more excited everyone was. Coming home, greeting guests, watching TV, and really just about everything else. His excitement made everything more fun. Of course, it is not appropriate to be enthusiastic about everything.  But in most cases, enthusiasm makes everything better.  It is contagious and enables teams/groups to accomplish more.
 

 
Leaders need to be enthusiastic about their role, their team and the impact they have.  It makes a difference.
 
Watching the joy that Cadoo had in each moment, regardless of what he was going always made me envy him. He could relax a room and sense danger just by being 100% present.  Yes, we all have much more to worry about than a simple dog.  But, I know I am a better husband, leader, parent and consultant by learning from him.
What are some of your unexpected leadership lessons?

Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.

Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.

Over the past 31 days I have participated in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. The goal was to increase blog traffic and readership.  But the lessons I’ve learned are even  more powerful:
 
1. The best time to write is when you have time to do it
2. There really is no such thing as writer’s block.  If you are stuck, start writing.  Eventually you’ll get unstuck
3. Not every single thing you write has to be a masterpiece
4. There are a lot of really amazing writers. All with a variety of styles.  There is no better, only different
5. Everyone has something important to say
6. Writing a lot helps you get better at it
7. There are, literally, thousands of topics to write about
8. The worst thing you can say to yourself is I’m not capable
9. No one will agree or disagree with you if you have nothing to say
10. Your toughest critic will be yourself (at least mine is)

Thank you Michele Scism and Michelle Shaeffer for putting this challenge together.
 
Do you want to start blogging more and increase traffic to your site?  Take the challenge.  The only regret you will have is if you don’t ever try.

(You could have a regret if you kick a beehive or poke a sleeping bear, but those are exceptions to the rule)
 
Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.

Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.

POLITICS AND RELIGION…

FIGHTIN’ WORDS
Following politics in any country shows the passion that people have for their points of view. In the recent election for US
President, the voting populace was severely divided.

But, what about at work?  Can you lead someone that you disagree with politically, religiously or otherwise?

Religion and politics are the third rail of work.  No one is supposed to talk about themor be upset about differences.

But is this realistic?  No.

Diversity and the global nature of work have caused an integration of people that, left to their own devices, might not associate with each other otherwise.

LEADING THROUGH OPINIONS
So, if we have to work with and lead people we don’t agree with how do we do it? 

WHY IS IT HARD TO DO?

There are two main reasons it’s hard to work with those that you disagree.

1. You see parts of yourself and your beliefs that you don’t really like
“The reason you can’t stand that person in the first place, is that they remind you of what you can’t stand about yourself.- Peter Bregman

2. It causes you to question your beliefs
Any time someone has a worldview or set of beliefs that are different than yours, it calls your beliefs into question.  That is never easy or comfortable.  But, unless its something fundamental like “thou shall not kill”, it can give you different perspective and help you see the world through other’s eyes.

So what do you do about it?

ENGAGE AND FINDING COMMON GROUND
Work hard to find things to agree and work together on.  There are often more similarities than differences between people. Organizations and teams are ripe with a variety areas to have common ground:

• Team goals
• Project completion
• Project outcomes
• Company success
• Professional growth

Regularly explore and expand on them.

Whenever I take on a new team, I always meet with each person and spend time exploring our commonalities.  This way we can begin to build on those right away.  Differences come easily. If they show up after you’ve already built a foundation of commonalities, they are less likely to impact how work together effectively.

FOCUS ON WHAT THEY DO WELL
No matter what you think of someone’s views, they often are exceptional, or at least capable, in a few areas.  When leading someone that you don’t agree with it’s important to keep those skills at the forefront when working with them.
Otherwise, the people you don’t agree with will become stereotypes.

Conservatives will seem militant; liberals will seem noncommittal, etc.  This occurs because of a phenomenon called “self fulfilling prophecy.”

“A self-fulfilling prophecy is a thought or expectation that occurs because it has been thought. For example, when a teacher assumes that a certain student is not intelligent, the teacher might give that student less positive attention and more negative attention, resulting in poorer performance by the student….. Our behavior can affect others, particularly people over whom we have authority or with whom we spend significant amounts of time.” ~ GoodTherapy.com
The problem is that it can impact the folks we lead and work with. Working with people that are different than us can make us better if we let it.  Remember to focus on each person’s positives.

DON’T DWELL ON WHAT YOU DON’T AGREE
When there is an area or topic that you don’t agree with someone about, don’t make it the focal point of your relationship.

It is not healthy and makes the team less productive.

• Time spent trying to change an opinion that doesn’t impact the success or failure of the team is time wasted.
• Move on and focus on activities THAT WILL PRODUCE RESULTS.
• Surprisingly, people are much more tolerant of others when they are winning.
• Focus on being a high performance team creates tolerance.

SEEKING OUT THEIR OPINION
Some of the very best advice given is from folks that you don’t agree with politically or philosophically.  Their opinion is unvarnished. Compliments are more sincere, criticism more pointed and solutions more clear.
People that think differently than you come at issues, problems, etc. from a perspective you don’t have.
It provides for rich ideas that you might not think of on your own or with someone who thinks like you. Actively seek out opinions of those you don’t agree with, you will develop better solutions and become a better person in the process.

FIGHTIN’ FAIR
In order to have a high performing team or organization, ideas and solutions must come from everywhere.  People must feel free to share their thoughts without worrying about self-censoring their own beliefs.  This stifles creativity and tamps down productivity.

• Stick up for their right to have an opinion different than yours and of others.
• Champion the voice of those that you don’t agree with.
• Make sure they have the platform to speak and share ideas.

Real leaders and partners give voice to everyone on the team, not just the ones that are the same religion or political affiliation.

Being a leader means that you will work with all kinds of people, those that you agree with and those you don’t. You are creating a legacy with every interaction. What is it that you are creating?
 
Originally posted on Linked2Leadership.com.  Please visit them to read this and other awesome blogs!

Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.

Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.

There are two words that should be used sparingly, if at all, as a leader always and never.
 
WHAT’S THE PROBLEM WITH USING ALWAYS AND NEVER?

Always and never are words that are part of the “all or nothing thinking” in cognitive distortion.
 
Cognitive distortions — where your mind puts a ‘spin’ on the events you see, and attaches a not-so-objective interpretation to what you experience.
 
In all or nothing thinking, there is no grey area.  There is no room for improvement or understanding.  Therefore, using words like these lead to stifling growth and hindering innovation.
 
Always and never are: 

• Not really quantifiable words and generally are a a matter of opinion.
• Charged with innuendo and accusation
 
Always and never can 

• Make someone defensive
• Encourage someone to ignore a compliment
• Indicate laziness of thought
 
As leaders , using words like these indicate a lack of interest improving. If we want to create a high performance team that is accountable and driven, it’s time to retire words like always and never.
 
 
WHAT TO USE INSTEAD?
 
Generally, always and never are used when giving feedback of some kind. Using words like these indicates that there has been time between the reason for feedback and the feedback itself. Often, there multiple occurrences of the issue before the feedback that includes always/never.
 
Instead of always or never, use a structure to ensure that feedback can help people develop, grow, improve and become more effective
 
1.     Let them know the reason for the feedback – Context is key.  Giving adults the reason you want to speak with them gives a frame of reference. They don’t have to wonder “what is this all about”. Depending on the type of feedback – praise or constructive – you may want to ask a question like –
 
“How do you think XYZ went?”
 
2.     Let them know the specific issue is:
Praise –

 
Counsel  –
 
3. Let them know the impact of their actions
Praise –
 
 
Counsel –
 
4.     Point out something about them that you see
 
Praise –
 
Counsel –
 
5. Use the conversation to develop and promote feedback
Praise – Congratulate them and ask them  –> Why they took the actions they did
 
     
Counsel- Let them know you are dedicated to their success and ask –>What actions they will take to create solutions?
 
 
During the course of these conversations,  ’always’ and ‘never’ should not be used. There is really no place for them.  

Providing feedback is one of the most important parts of being a leader.  It drives development and growth.
 
What other commonly used words get in the way of leadership development?

Anil Saxena is the President of Cube 2.14, an organizational development consulting firm that works with clients to increase both customer and employee engagement while decreasing turnover, improving customer retention, and increasing profitability within organizations.

Saxena is a certified High Impact coach and trainer and a Joint Application Design facilitator. He is also certified by both Rush Systems and IBM as a focus group facilitator. He is an inaugural member of Northwestern University’s Learning and Organizational Change program, and he earned his bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from the Illinois Institute of Technology.